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Crossing the Line Ceremony
(continued)
Major Dunn having survived the ordeal, the next call was for the chaplain:-
           "Your Reverence,
             Be modest in all things ' is a saw
             Which in our wetter realm we count as law;
             And all our learned Court, with few dissensions,
             Apply it to your physical dimensions.
             Your height must be a goodly six-foot seven,
             Which is too tall for Sea, or Earth, or Heaven.
             We therefore order that thou shalt be shrunk
             By Vanguard's laundry till you fit your bunk.
             But first be tonsured, shaved and dehydrated,
             Until your lengthy crimes are expiated."

The police were now sent to find Ordnance Artificer Hough, who was indicted in the following matter:-

           "To be seen round the ship when the sea's not too rough
              Is black bearded Ordnance Artificer Hough;
             This glamorous, clamorous, queer curiosity
              Is very well known for excessive verbosity.
              With Whale Island flannel our Kingdom is rich,
              And all fishes fit in their well-defined niche;
              Artificers stick to devices mechanical,
              And don't air their views or their judgments Satanical.
              Our Royal Decree is that nothing will muffle
              His chatter except a good splash and scuffle
              So up with him, on with him, in with him, soak 'im,
              And see if a mouse will jump out of the oakum."

The punishments having been carried out, the Court was called to order for the presentation of Insignia to the following ladies of the Royal domestic staff:-

              Miss WILCOX.                Miss M. MCDONALD.                  Miss GEACH.
              Miss KING.                      Miss R. MCDONALD.                   Miss BAMFORD.

These ladies were presented with the Order of the Silver Starfish, and each in turn stepped forward to be invested with the Insignia.  The citation accompanying the award was pronounced by the Clerk of the Court:
"In welcoming you to our seabound Court,
  We questioned whether we shouldn't ought
  To have insisted that you should pay
  Your homage in the accustomed way.
  But we are advised it had better he
  That you are admitted collectively;
  So, instead of the doctor, the barber and bear,
  And frightful sousing expected there,
  You shall he honoured in all our realms
  The Silver Starfish, First Class with Palms."

After this pleasant interlude, the Court continued with the indictment and punishment of malefactors.

At this point His Majesty King George reminded King Neptune of Neptune's criticism of Mr Frank Gillard, of the British Broadcasting Corporation, contained in paragraph 6 of Equatorial Message 072561.
The hue and cry was at once raised for Mr Gillard, who was eventually brought struggling to the seat of justice. Here he was arraigned for the heinous offence of avoiding compliance with equatorial requirements by having Crossed the Line by air. This was apparently considered to he a most serious charge, and the punishment meted out was consequently more rigorous than usual. Mr Gillard, however, appeared thoroughly to enjoy it all.

Initiation of Frank Gillard of the BBC
          The Clerk of the Court then read a number of warrants issued for certain members of the ship's company deemed to have infringed one or more of the very elastic regulations in force in Equatoria.
At this stage of the proceedings the Royal Party left the platform and a party, which included the Princesses, made their way to the platform on top of" B" Turret, from whence they watched the ensuing initiations with much amusement.

The Court was then declared open for the initiation of novices, and large numbers of the passengers and crew gathered to volunteer themselves to undergo the prescribed ritual. As each novice passed through the bath he was considered to be appointed as an auxiliary policeman, and the duty of searching out shirkers and malefactors devolved upon him. Search parties were quickly arranged, and soon the only provision against further immersion was to be already so completely wet that there was no doubt of
having been previously ducked.
The fun waxed faster and more furious, and soon hoses were playing sea water quite indiscriminately over the participants and spectators alike. A high percentage of the ship's company went through the
traditional ritual and so won the right to claim themselves to be fully proved mariners.

However, towards 1030, the proceedings were obviously tending to become riotous. There appeared to be an ominous urge to encroach more closely upon the space on the platform occupied by the Court. These threatening circumstances did not appear to cause any surprise to His Oceanic Majesty, for it is in the tradition that the culmination of the ceremony is reached by throwing the whole Court into its own baths. With this end in view there developed a concentrated attack upon the platform, which only ended when King Neptune, Queen Amphitrite, and their retinue were floundering in the water.

The Court was then considered to have dissolved and the ceremony was at an end. The baths, however, continued in use until dinner was piped at 1200, by which time everybody had thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

At 1700 the main brace was spliced, and H.M.S. Vanguard, her passengers, and crew had                                                  "Crossed the Line"